How to be a better mentor - and mentee
Shine People & Places’ founder talks about the opportunities for mentors and mentees as TTG launches its first mentoring scheme
Be the best mentor
Why do some mentor-mentee relationships thrive and others don’t? On average, 2 out of 10 pairings don’t produce the desired results, usually owing to a personality clash, a failure to commit the necessary amount of time or because expectations have not been met on one side or the other.
This is why it is essential to have the very first meeting face-to-face, explains Gaby Marcon Clarke, founder of Shine People & Places.
A mentor needs to establish a rapport with their mentee at the very start. If you don’t have a rapport, there is no relationship.
It’s also critical to establish expectations and to reaffirm that everything divulged between mentor and mentee is said in complete confidence.
Mentors and mentees should aim to meet once a month. If they are not able to meet in person, conducting the mentoring session over the phone is a solution.
However, it is easy to tell if the person on the other end of the phone is not listening, warns Marcon Clarke.
How good are your listening skills, she asks?
Most of the time, we slip into cosmetic listening. We’re thinking about our next meeting, or what to have for dinner.
But mentors should be listening with their ears, their eyes, their heart, and giving the mentee their undivided attention.
Mentors can attain a higher level of listening by paraphrasing, summarising and asking open-ended questions. It’s not “would you like a cup of coffee?” she says, because that’s a yes/no answer. It should be “how would you like your coffee?” because that’s the question that digs deeper.
Road to self-discovery
Mentors can feel an urgency to solve mentees’ problems, but it’s about helping them do it for themselves.
The mentor is supporting the mentee to achieve in a non-directive, non-judgemental way.
It’s not about imposing your way of thinking – it’s about phrasing things in a way that allows the mentee to think for themselves, says Marcon Clarke.
Hold the mentee accountable.
Review action points from the previous session at the start of the next session.
If one or more hasn’t been achieved, explore why – and if there are no good reasons, help them to understand why with your line of questioning.
Have a period of critical reflection at the end of each session – how did this session go and how can we make it better?
Think outside the box – take your mentee to a place that is more conducive to thinking, such as a public park.
Two-way street
Throughout the process, success can be measured with positive body language, a willingness to explore issues, lively animated discussions and enthusiasm from the mentee about what they have learnt.
By the end of four to six sessions, there should be a shift, says Marcon Clarke, where the mentor has taken the mentee from A to B.
But remember that it doesn’t always happen straight away. The mentor should take something away from the sessions, too.
Mentoring is the only relationship in the coaching/training/teaching/ counselling stable that is two-way.
We can all learn a lot from one another, she says.
Be an effective menteeThe idea of mentoring has come a long way since the early days, says Shine People & Places founder Gaby Marcon Clarke. When Shine was first established in 2004, she says it was difficult to get through to people in the travel industry with the message of just how mutually beneficial the process could be. Now, she says, things are changing so rapidly that she has seen the proliferation of new schemes such as reverse mentoring, in which young professionals are mentoring senior professionals.
But when it comes to the more traditional style – the model to be used as a framework in the TTG Mentoring Scheme – the onus is on the mentee, says Marcon Clarke.
Off to the best start
As in any other relationship, the initial stages form a critical foundation, Marcon Clarke explains. Set boundaries, she says. Discuss your mentor’s preferred communication method (phone calls, text, email), establish when and how often you are going to meet and where.
Marcon Clarke stresses that it is the mentee’s responsibility to send their agenda to their mentor. Spending time at the beginning on these ground rules will pay dividends, she says.
Also vital in the beginning phase is developing rapport. The more you know your mentor, the more you’ll share with them, Marcon Clarke explains. The mentor needs to have a flavour of who you are, so talk about what matters to you. One way to get conversation flowing is by using visual exercises to illustrate who you are in abstract terms, or by discussing your values and goals, using the TTG Mentoring Scheme questionnaire for reference.
Getting to grips with your personal learning style may help to smooth the process, Marcon Clarke says.
The three main learning styles can be defined as:
Throughout the process, Marcon Clarke says it is imperative for mentees to keep an open mind. Consider new ideas, she says, and set goals. Sometimes objectives are not clear straight away, she adds, but follow through and actively listen. She also encourages mentees to take notes so that at the end they can formulate an action plan.
Although mentees bear a lot of the responsibility for a well-functioning mentor-mentee relationship, Marcon Clarke implores mentees to take stock and give feedback if they feel the relationship isn’t working or they don’t believe their match is correct.
“The role of your mentor is to challenge your thinking,” she adds.
“But I really urge you to challenge them as well.” |
A coaching method: GROW
Use this mnemonic to structure the conversation. Think about a problem in your own life…
G
R
O
These answers (O) have generated a set of options – rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 as to how practical they seem to you.
W
Outcome: This helps to articulate building blocks, narrow choices and crystallise the decision-making process. |
Recommended For You
Most read features
Competitions
TTG Luxury Journey
Place of registration: England and Wales.
Company number 08723341.
Registered address: 6th Floor, 2 London Wall Place, London EC2Y 5AU
